First real content on the website!
I am super excited to share this content with you because it is the essence of Epoch World. The foundation in which Epoch World and myself are built upon.
Well I am!
This is a Grace story.
I was told to reflect back on my life in 2016 and analyse how God came through for me when I was praying for inspiration for Epoch World.
I graduated from secondary school in July, 2016. Top in my class and I had my spiritual life on point.
My life took a turning point in August: I was almost sexually assaulted.
‘Almost’ as I should have seen it, should be a thank you Lord and all that but that wasn’t the case. I felt exactly as if it had happened to me.
I was ashamed, angry and blamed myself. In all of this, I hated myself because I felt somehow I dishonoured God.
So what did I do?
I turned away from him like Adam and Eve. I hid myself. I closed my heart because I was so scared that if I tried to open my heart to God, he would reject me.
Well, hiding was a defense mechanism.
I resumed my first year in University. I was a one Sunday on and one Sunday off kind of Christian.
I tried to get back what I had in secondary school (the perfect relationship between God and I…so I thought anyway). And when it wasn’t feeling like it, I thought God turned his back on me.
Oh I was a devastated young lady.
I was someone that thought had it all together. So for something like that to have happened, I definitely felt stupid.
I didn’t know that all along, God never left. He was ashamed or disappointed. In fact when I was going through this hard time, he wanted me to lean on him, cry out to him so he can take care of me. To be honest, he did take care of me during those times but I was too soaked in my own sorrow that I didn’t see that.
After serving in the fellowshio I was in 100level for a while, I felt that wasn’t the place for me. I resigned the post given to me. My relationship with God wasn’t better but I just knew. Now that I think back, it was the Holy Spirit preparing me for the place im supposed to be. To take me there, he had to take me from here: you understand what im saying yeah?
Of course, friends thought that was not the best thing to do because I mean, it is God’s work after all. It is not always that simple.
Looking back at this stage in me, God simply used what I was comfortable and familiar with to talk to me. He knew I was not consistent with reading my bible so he didn’t talk to me through my bible. I wasn’t praying like I should so he didn’t talk to me through prayers. He used my instincts and guts to make a decision for me.
I took a leap of faith without even realizing that was what I was doing.
Let me explain something, although I felt lost and out of place with God, a tiny bit of me hoped he would reach out. I left that fellowship because I wanted him to talk to me. He was not talking to me there so I left. This didn’t make sense then but it does now.
Yeah I left. I was back to square one. The same inconsistency with the church I found or sometimes, I stay back in my room and listen to sermons online. That was when I discovered T.D Jakes. He had messages for me, even till this very moment.
God is always accurate. Always.
Then I entered my second year in university. I moved to a private hostel.
Here is the funny story with that, when I registered for the hostel, I was given a six-man room but I wanted a two-man room. So I asked if I could change my room. To cut this story short, it ended up with my form being collected with zero percent chance of getting a room at all.
I gave up already. Just before I left the hostel, I was called back. I was told that a lady in a two man room was not sure about getting the room so in short, is as given. Funny enough, when my roommate and I were talking along this line, she told me she was that lady. Funny part is she only went out to call her dad to confirm if she could get a two man room because she wanted a six man room and when she got back, they had already given the room out. Fortunate thing is that the lady that was supposed to be the other roommate, said she didn’t want the room anymore.
What is the significance of this?
When God wants to make things happen, he makes it happen.
My roommate is Toyin Kolude.
She is a significant figure in my grace story.
God used her to reach me.
I was damn too stubborn. I was not going to believe what I did not see. So he used what I could see.
God does not need anything but he still wanted my heart. I didn’t know that then. He was patient with me because he loves me so much. More than I can ever really imagine. I don’t think I can ever really get what he sees in me. I guess that is the thing with love. You cannot really explain it but you know it is love.
Part of getting me to see him was drawing to the place he has for me through what I love: worship songs. I am a huge fan of Hillsong worship. I was singing one Sunday preparing to go to a church when Toyin mentioned that her church is a Hillsong kind of church. It wasn’t like I was constant in church so I just followed her. The service was amazing and perfect.
Well well, I was still inconsistent.
The breaking point for me was last year when I was in an almost relationship if that makes sense. How did God get me out of it before it even began? He used my guts and instincts to tell me to bail out. I figured out why few weeks later and for months, I kept seeing reasons why that relationship was definitely not in my best interest.
I guess I finally broke down because this kind of thing only happens to those with a relationship with God. I did not have that. I only prayed because I made the decision that I was going into that relationship. I did not even let God have a say in the decision. And I was reminded of 2016 and what I went through.
When I broke down, I finally gave myself to God. That was the moment I realized that he never left me and he wasn’t going to leave me. If this makes any sense to you reading this, I do not think this knowledge only is not enough to soften the hardened heart. Maybe it is but for me, it broke my defenses. And mostly because the reasons the almost a relationship never worked broke my heart and hurt me really deep.
Here is the thing with God, when he has you in mind, when he has a purpose for you, he will never let anything get in the way. God is very fast with removing whatever it is that will hinder you from fulfilling that purpose he has in place for you. Our destinies are more of predestination than free will.
That moment, I made a commitment to God.
Ever since, I am learning everyday to love him.
His grace found me just as I was. His grace is still finding me just as I am. And when I drift away at any point, the Holy Spirit reminds me of his love for me.
He made sure Toyin did not give up. He put in her his love so that it could be extended to me. So at moments when I reflect back, that calms till voice tells me that God loves me even more than I can ever imagine.
I grew up from the generality that God loves everything to God is obsessed with me particularly. I took up the responsibility and made that commitment. There is no generality.
For every man, there is God.
P.S.: check out the song ‘As you find me’ by Hillsong Worship.
Isaiah 44:21-22(NLT) “Pay attention, O Jacob, for you are my servant, O Israel. I, the Lord, made you, and I will not forget you. I have swept away your sins like a cloud. I have scattered your offenses like the morning mist. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free.”
You can also Read letter to the Bible